Blame it on the alcohol.

Day 2 of 38?

Let it be known that this post is being written before I have had a single sip of alcohol in Russia.  This will change in approximately 30 minutes where I plan to do a taste test of every Russian beer.

You know what happens when you travel with a Bostonian?  You go to Dunkin' Donuts in every country.  Kate lives int he boonie town of 8 million people, Hangzhou, which does not have a Dunkin. Considering there's 2 on every block in Boston, she is deprived.  So we started our day on a 10 am Dunkies run.  Along our way we pass many drunks (the healthy non-begging kind) and the street beer cars are opening up for the day.

Apparently the Russians have a serious alcohol problem which results in 40,000 deaths a year.  This contributes to the average life expectancy for Russian men clocking in at 61!  That's so young for a developed country! Compare that to 74 for Russian women! Those poor Russian widows.  Well then, those women can't be bangin' hot and have everything.

This furthers mine and Kate's point that we are not in Asia anymore.  This is a subjective point because anyone who looks at a map will tell you, Russia is in Asia. However, its roughly 99% WHITE.  There are people from the Caucuses and even some "Asians" but nope. WHITE.  Also, since everyone, well especially the men, suffer from an alcohol addiction, the country suffers from a surplus of women!  Compare this to India and China were selective abortions and adoption leave the country with a surplus of men (in my opinion too many men = WWIII).

Kate and I were told that the men who survive drinking copious amount of alcohol are actually "courteous" and "chivalrous".  I'm sorry I don't think I know what those words mean. I lived in Miami and China those words mean nothing to me.  Maybe I would consider a Russian mail order husband but the laws of supply and demand and natural selection (Russian chicks>>>>>>> hotter than me) are both against me.

In other news, Soviet Comunism collapsed due to poor operational management, a continuing problem as demonstrated by the 30 minutes it takes for a Russian Dunkin' Donuts employee to toast a bagel.  Thus, Kate and I missed our morning tour.  So we wandered Red Square on our own.  It was very impressive!  St. Basil's Cathedral is possibly one of the coolest and best preserved site I've seen.  Pictures to come!

MOCKBA

Greetings from Moscow!

I would greet you in Russian but I don't know how.  In fact I only know three words kame'n' (rock), nozhyci (scissor) and bumaga (paper).  Kate and I learned these words (and actually a few others) in the local languages of Korea, Japan and China. We make good bar buddies.

It is actually quite difficult to get around Moscow without knowing any Russian. At least the "real" Asians recognize their language is difficult and post bilingual signs.  I thank my days in the Greek system for being able to pronounce some words.

The first sentence of the Moscow section of Lonely Planet Russia says that "Moscow is a city of superlatives.  It is the most expensive and rudest city in the world".  Well so far the Russian have come across as far and away more polite than the Chinese and the prices have been bearable.

What they didn't mention is that the Russians are SMOKIN HOT.  Every single one of them.  Life is not fair.  I've also been in white people withdrawl.  However, I have seen white people in Asia, lots of them.  In Russia I have to look long and hard to find a minority.  Even the maids are white.  That SHOCKED me.  I haven't seen a white maid since.... forever.


Today Kate and I walked to the Kremlin only to be told most of the exhibits were closed for the day.  We settled on seeing the Cathedral square and getting some hearty Russian food.  Tomorrow we have a free tour, and want to see the Pushkin art museum and Museum of State History.

I bought THE BEST THING EVER.  It's so good I don't even know if I want to tell you. Sigh ok I will tell you.  UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI HURRICANE BABUSHKA DOLLS.  Yes, babushka dolls with 5 players from the University of Miami football team painted on them, one inside the other. In RUSSIA.  Price does not matter.  I would buy them for everyone but my bag already weighs me down and might combust.  GO CANES.

Anyways we are off to paint the town red (get it, red, Bloshevicks, Commies).  Sunset is at at eleven freakin o'clock and rises at 4:30 so rest easy, there are few opportunities for me to get mugged (again).

Goodbye Zhongguo!

I am leaving China. I AM LEAVING CHINA!!!

The excitement is only half-hearted. China has never been, and will never be home, but we had some good times.  There are so many opportunities here.  I wish I wasn't so lazy or bus with school work that I could have became more involved in things.  Yes, I know there's still time!  I don't have a plane ticket and I can walk back from Europe! Perhaps we will meet again but for now, I will pay tribute to the best and worst of Shanghai.

What I will miss:

• (Some of) My students.  They really are adorable.
• This city is safe.  Dirty, but safe.  
• The clean subway.  It's still no Hong Kong but it gets you there fast.
• Hao laoshi (yes her last name is Hao as in "good" teacher) and other Chinese people thinking I know more Chinese than I actually do.  I guess I will still have this in America since people have wild assumption on how well I speak Chinese.
• 3-4 co-workers I made my top 3 list.  At least I made some friends in China.  I know, I am a clingy judgmental girl who at the end of the day, likes to surround herself with similar people.
• Milk tea.  I think I will go get one after I write.  In a very dark time in my life I was up to one a day.

What I won't miss:

• Pollution.  GROSS
• Terrible weather.  The winter was so cold and now the heat and humidity are deadly.  Plus there is never any escape; the insulation sucks and so do the air systems.
• Illiteracy.  I like to read.
• The repressive rules of my school.  I'm Catholic.  I feel guilt. If someone tells me to be at work from 8-4:30, I generally am, even if it involved endless hours of boredom.
• Fake shit.  I can't believe I own it.  My will power is weak. My whole theory on Shanghai is that its not just the designer bags, clothes, and shoes that are fake.  It's EVERYTHING.  the food, the alcohol and I even think this whole feel of Pearl of the East is a load of bullshit.  You can't be Hong Kong or New York or even Tokyo you faker.
• My Chinese friends.  What Chinese friends?  We're just too different. No one wants to date a Chinese man, not even a Chinese girl which is why they pathetically cling to foreign guys. The chicks are either just plain boring, or way too slutty, even for me.
• Finally, my roommates.  I feel awful that my last goodbye to them was filled with cusing me out for being lazy and rude since I left a few things in my room as I was moving out.  I was stressed.  I needed to get out of that hell hole. Plus, there was no security desposit to get back and knowing these kids honesty, if there was, I would never see it.  I'm not actually that rude but I simply don't care about them.  I've never burned bridges before so this is something new.  Anyways, go to hell bitches.

Taking the long way home

The China days are almost over!  For me at least. My travel partner in love Kate is coming back to study Chinese full time next year.  Kate and I were such good travel buddies in Korea and Japan in the winter that we decided to do another trip.

After making the 224 hours 8,000 mile trip between China and New York twice this month, I decided I never want to do it again.  So, Kate and I will be taking the long way home... through Russia, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, France and Holland... oh and possibly Spain and Germany.

Since Kate has a wedding to go home for, the trip is going to go a lot faster than either of us would like. However, it is impressively planned.  Since I had really NOTHING to do since I got back to China (seniors graduated, I taught about 1.25 classes a day----- whyyyyyyyyyyyyy did I returnnnnnnn!?) I spent time asking Kate nagging questions and booking buses, trains, planes, and hostel.  Yep, we have a place to stay and a way to get to EVERY stop.  We also have an amazing black binder that CANNOT get stolen (or else we will be lost and very confused). 

So my epic postcard club and haikus from around the world may start up again.  Message me your address if you love my poetry!

Oh you're a teacher? OHHHHH you are a teacher at THAT school.

Telling someone in Shanghai that you are a teacher is like telling them you have airborne syphilis. Yep, your attractiveness meter just went way down and unless that person is also a teacher, or someone looking to improve their English, good luck making friends.


Perhaps being a teacher would be acceptable if you taught at one of those desirable high schools where they pay 30-40,000 USD a year.  My high school happens to be at the bottom of the totem pole, as I like to refer to it, as a half way home for abandoned kids.  Yes, some have reasonable excuses for attending JCID, after all international schools are expensive but for most of these children, they are at JCID because no one else wants them.

I believe I have said all of this before but I wanted to follow up with a recently created wikipedia page.  I am nearly 99% positive that this page was written by a particular student in my 12 grade math class. It is actualyl a bit impressive considering he was in ESL class a few years ago. I don't know why he's so angry, he did get the teachers to change his grades and got a week off of school to sit in the library to write college essays that eventually got him accepted at Syracuse. Sigh.  Well here's his work and since I received my last paycheck, I will include my own comments in red.

Shanghai Jincai High School International Division (上海进才中学国际部) is a school based in Pudong New Area of Shanghai, China, founded in 2003. It is the international department of Jincai High School. The school features two parallel curricula in Chinese and English. JINCAI HELL

Have recently graduated from high school in Shanghai and I just wanted to talk about how horrible my school was (Jincai High School International Division, or JCID) so that nobody else would go and screw their academic life.

Some General Info: It is an "international (bullfeces)" high school located in Pudong, Shanghai. It has 2 sections of Chinese and English from grade 1 to 12. The English Section follows the USA curriculum and the Chinese Section follows the Shanghai curriculum.

List of Messed up things about the school: 1- # don't care about your study AT ALL, # just want your lovely money. It's all Chinese administrators in the school who can barely speak english. If there is something serious # want to talk with the administration, FORGET IT! # are all Chinese minded. The school is administered all according to Chinese system and rules. Ok this stuff about the administration is completely correct but he has to understand, this has often worked in favor of the students.  If we held back students who were not academically capable, the first grade class would be huge and include 18 year olds! Also, the teachers really do care, we've made a lot of suggestions to the Chinese administration but those folks don't care.  Many of the administrators at the school are powerless to the Administrators at the local campus (which is actually a really great school!)

2- Chinese is the first language in the school. All the announcements, documents, notices and everything else is in Chinese, with little and incorrectly written English. # don't understand how they even call that place an "International School" Same reason they call it Albany International Airport my friend.  Invite one Japanese student and boom.  Perhaps regional school would be better.  I have some Korean students who told me their Chinese has improved a lot at this school.

3- There is "IB" World School signs everywhere in the school, where ever you go inside the building, you see the IB sign. That was one of the reason # chose this school, because # thought it was IB so it would help # to get in a good university. But guess what, later on in the middle of the academic year, # found out that they had the IB program only for the Middle School of THE CHINESE SECTION. So no matter what English Section grade # enter the school from, # don't get an IB diploma, nothing about IB. But it's so messed up that they put the IB sign even on transcripts, any other documents. EVEN # YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA. It's so retarded that they do that. As # mentioned before, this school just fools around with you, don't care about your study, and want that money in # pocket, THAT'S ALL. Dude, the Commies mastered propaganda.  Don't blame them if you are an idiot and fell for it.

4- The schools is not recognized in the academic community. It's not in the list of "International High Schools in Shanghai". It's so messed up that I had a few friends applied to some colleges in Canada and you know what those universities told them: "Sorry but we don't recognize your school, your application has been rejected". Attending this school would be at least 50% of the reason of your denial from the colleges you apply. HA. HA. HA. HA!

5- The School doesn't offer SAT. SAT isn't offered in China, but all the international high schools offer SAT for their students in their schools, BUT NOT IN JINCAI! If you want to go to States for university, you will probably need to take the SAT, and you will have to travel HongKong or Singapore to take the test, if YOU ATTEND THIS HELL SCHOOL. So then you all take a week off school and fly to Hong Kong to take the test.  I feel so bad for you.

6- The Teachers! They are friendly, all cool people, mostly from the States. But they are not experienced. Almost all of the teachers are recent college graduates. More than half of them are under 25 years of age. Every year, all the old teachers leave the school and the new ones come. So it's like they just come work in the school for fun, to do other stuff in Shanghai. So the education in Jincai isn't good either. You are dead on about this one, we are totally cool. Right, I am not an experienced teacher.  If I were, they'd pay me more.  If your parents really wanted you to have an experienced teacher they'd pay more too.  But guess what, they wanted you to learn English and I speak English damn well.

7- School Facilities! The campus sucks balls. It's tiny, doesn't even have a gym. There is nothing to during the class breaks on campus. If you like doing sports, if you are on a school team in your current school, NEVER EVER COME STUDY IN JINCAI. There isn't a single varsity team in there. Other than that, the art and music classrooms are horrible, no different than the regular classrooms. The cafeteria is extremely tiny. It gets so crowded during the lunch breaks that you can't even find fresh air to breath. It's so messed up that THEY PUT SOME OTHER SCHOOL'S PICTURES ON THE SCHOOL BROCHURES. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT??? They told me this lie about the gym too.  It's an auditorium/badmitton court.  The facilities are pretty good looking though.

Overall, this school is the LAST SCHOOL ON UNIVERSE that you would want to go. It's full of lies, full of messed up stuff happening and BORING. There is so much more to add to the list, but that all I can think right now.
SO DON"T EVER THINK OF GOING TO THAT SCHOOL, IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF AND CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE...

BLAME CHINA, FOOL!

Just what the doctor ordered.

I'm pretty sure any doctor would have told me that to cure my depression/homesickness/friendlessness I should drink until my eyeballs start swimming in their sockets.  And the place to do this? Hangzhou!

In case you do not remember, half of the student in my program are in Shanghai and the other half are in Hangzhou, a small city of eight million people about 120 miles (now only a 40 minute train ride!) south of Shanghai.  There countryfolk are nice, friendly, and can drink anyone under the table on a nightly basis.

I got the idea to go to Hangzhou while I was having one of those crying in the bathroom moments that Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love) taught me that they were acceptable. EG our lives are connected. Turns out a few co-workers already had plans to go and since it was many people's last weekend in China, it was a party.

I was proud of myself for going to the gym in the morning before my 11am train.  40 minutes later we were in Hangzhou and heading out for lunch.  I ate green curry... then threw it up in the bathroom of a massage parlor.  My body is rejecting Asian culture.  My body got another beating from some small Chinese masseuse. We then killed time watching How I Met Your Mother and then it was off to all-you-can-eat-all-you-can-drink (kill me now) Teppanyaki followed by a bar. Maybe my body was rejecting Asian food again, or maybe it was that the sake was FAKE because everything in China is FAKE but due to unfortunate circumstances, my party was cut short around 2 am. I was suppose to go on a hike this morning but there's no way that could have happened so I was lucky that it was raining (it has been raining all month).

It was nice to get out of town. I felt refreshed, like I went on an actual vacation.

And then I come home :( back to being ignored and feeling unwelcome in my own home.  Just one more week than off to Russia.

Le Russian Affair

If the Russian Consulate in Shanghai is any indication of what my trip in Russia will be like then I should try to return my ticket immediately.

Trying to get a Russian visa is simply ridiculous.  Trying to get a Russian visa is Shanghai is beyond ridiculous.

Since I was first going to Beijing and then America and needed my passport for these travels I called to see how long the visa process would take. Problem.  The person on the phone did not speak English... or Chinese.  I am convinced that it is near impossible for a person to get by in China without speaking either of these languages. 

So on my first journey to the Consulate I arrived at 8 am knowing that the consulate did not open until 9:30 and joined an already long line. The consulate collects visa applications for just 7.5 hours a week, 9:30-11 Monday, Wednesday, Friday.  Have a job? Too bad.  On my first visit I was shut down for not having "verified travel documents".  I had a ticket in and out of the country but apparently that does not cut it.  What I needed was an invitation from  Russian travel agency, available online for a small fee of $30.  Need an original?  That's $80. 

On my second attempt, I was denied since my verified travel documents said I was a permanent resident of the United States and I was applying for this visa in China.

On the third attempt, I asked my Russian/Kyrgyzstani student to skip (my) class with me and come to the consulate.  I suppose my paper work was ok, other than the fact that my forms were not double sided and I needed to rewrite them, but I think having my translator helped lower the officers suspicion (I am not a spy).

900 RMB (150 USD) later, I had a receipt for a visa.  I have 30 minutes, literally from 2-2:30 next Wednesday to find out if they actually issued me a visa. 

If all is well, its on to Russia June 28. Hopefully my travel partner gets hers too. If not, Finland?

Russian Consulate in Shanghai.  I really don't like this place.  Or its mean employees.  This picture was taken from the Internet since it has been pouring rain every single time I have gone to this god forsaken place.

Reared on the heights of Ida

Yes, those are the first words of the Emma Willard School's alma mater which, like everything else, the class of '06 dominated at reunion last weekend.  How do I know this? Because for one thoroughly enjoyable week I returned to my homeland.

In all it seemed like a pretty bad idea, spend $1000, travel for 24 hours, spend 8 days home, travel for 24 hours.  However, the expense and the leg, back and neck cramps from extended airplane travel were the least of my problems.  I am not totally undeniably homesick. I only have two weeks left to teach but I have zero motivation.  I always want to but my all into whatever I am doing and right now I have nothing to give because I am completely worn out.  The good sense involved with my going home was that I could bring back my  overweight suitcases and travel without much luggage on my intense summer eurotrip but now, I simply don't want to travel anymore.  Send me home.  Transport me home.  Now.

Upstate New York is not an exciting place to live but it is beautiful.  After traveling fro 23 hours, my first glance of upstate from the sky was rejuventating. The grass is green (not yellow green like in New Jersey) and the sky is blue.  Once of the plane my lungs were filled with the freshest crisp air (not the smoke infused air of Shanghai or Los Angeles- lay over one). Most importantly, everyone I care about is there, or was at least there for the weekend thanks to reunion!

So I had a twenty hour flight to think back on the past week and the past five years from my plush first class seat (My flight from Albany was delayed, I got put on a direct Chicago-Shanghai flight, bypassing my layover in Los Angeles, and upgraded.  Unfortunately my suitcase did not get upgraded and has been lost in transit!). One source of remorse is my lack of direction.  I went to high school with some very ambitious and successful people.  It doesn't surprise me at all where most people have ended up in five years.  Perhaps that they aren't surprised that I'm still floating through life without any plan. At least I am doing something "different" by working in China.  Which bring me to second source of remorse:  Landing in fithy China 8,000 miles from home.  My bedroom looks like it was pillaged since I left in a fuss and well, it was actually pillaged since a book and my lamp are now missing. <3 roommates. Not that they had any reason to go in my room but things are missing and my windows were open.  I purposely closed the windowas to keep the smoggy air from leaving dust all over my room but someone in this apartment opened all the windows, and the screens too which is why I have been spending the last two nights fighting China bugs in my sleep.  Yes, these are the factual story tellings that make people in China mad at me. I honestly have nothing to say to them so I will just silently wait for the next two weeks to pass by.

Best friends in New York City.  New Yorkers are so honest.  You can hide a bottle of wine in a bush in Manhattan and no one will steal it ;)

 Since my camera is in New York these pictures have been stolen from Jessica King, the first member of my class to post reunion pictures.  Actually I suppose they have been stolen from Facebook since once pictures are uploaded, they become Facebook's property. I will add more pictures in 2 weeks to 3 months-- however long it takes me to get back home.



Sitting on the senior triangle! Even under construction the campus is beautiful



After all those years of Emma Willard telling us alcohol was the devil's water (including Model UN trips in Canada where we easily passed as legal) we are treated to an open bar



the 30 happy souls who made their way back to Mt. Ida

From a house parent :)

Our reunion gift was Emma Willard tote bags, and we put them to good use.

Emma Willard brings out the lesbian in people

Fae and Rachel wearing green for the class parade.  We rock at monochrome.

Just like at Ring dinner where we had Sophmore note passers we can turn a formal dinner into something crude



In other news,  I apologize for a taking a leave of absense from blogging.  While some people have been offended by my highly factual storytelling, I have some good friends and family memebers who grew to be avid readers and these are the people who actually matter.  For those who care, and that I care about as welll,  I am sorry I left you hanging.  I will do my best to cover some lost material. Thanks for the company this week and for the continued support! Lauryn Johnson this post is for you ;)